My Chemical Unromance!

Your heart is corrosive. It corrodes mine. Like H2SO4 . Eventually it all ends up breaking the inter psychic bond between us. Do you even know how unsaturated and hungry I am? No resonance…and yes, we're so NOT stabilized. Your reactivity(=anger) is so damn high, still you're so damn inert(=unresponsive) with me. Your hatred is a great catalyst. Don't you think we need a little bit of neutralization reaction here? We could nullify things out! But you like to dominate, I understand.

Ironic! What is the reason behind your dual nature? [Both reactive and inert??]

Is the science of our love so uncertain? Is this 'mess' really irreversible now?

I tried to find reasons…maybe our feelings are hybridized. Equilibrium is probably not feasible. Even though H2O precipitates from my eyes, I would say this chemistry is kind of humorous. We strike, but still there is silence, once we were metals, so sonorous! Time is neutral, still it changed both of us, induced polarity (=difference)amongst us, funny isn't it?

But look what are the residues of our unsuccessful experimental love...

A graph of passion…drooping. Insecurity in same graph, growing exponentially. Results are rather amusing.

Leave the residues, what about filtrate? Well, it just filtered out, what else? The good things/people never stay, they go away. Because they deserve dynamism.

But here, whom shall we blame? Each other? Both of us? Reactants? Or Products? Or catalysts?

Probably the equation between us didn't last long enough because of unsuitable environment? I don't know if pressure/temperature was according to us or not. Are you like, allergic?

In the end, I would like to tell you, that don't go on proverbs and quotes about 'staying'. I won't wait for you, neither should you for me. You can't satisfy my valency. Neither can I. So there is no use staying and decaying like that. I will give chance to other elements. I will make/break bonds as I like.

Don't dare to shower your philosophical thoughts on me, because if philosophy worked in love, there wouldn’t have been much rue and cry about love. There wouldn't be so much 'uncertainty'. Philosophers were never lovers, lovers were never philosophers. So don't you ever taunt me and say…'you never belonged to me, because you didn't come back.' Once again, if I stay, I'll decay. If I'll move, I'll groove. Other elements(=?? :P) are waiting for me. I have to complete the octet of my life. Adios.

Art of betraying and crying...

You were afraid to touch me, afraid that I might get scarred.

You were afraid to convince me, afraid that I might disagree.

You were afraid to cry, afraid that I might take you for weak.

You were afraid to hide, afraid that I might get lost seeking you.

More so…you were afraid to die, not because you fear death, you were afraid, that I might find everything a ‘little’ difficult without you.

And there I am, a Betrayer…I betrayed the very fact of your existence!

And now I wish, I could get you back…or at least your shoulder.

I want to cry on your shoulder

But I am afraid that your shirt would get wet, patched up with blue tears,

Or I could just cry on your eyes, without wasting a single drop

But I am afraid that your vision would be blurred,

I want to cry, maybe on your neck

But I am afraid to give you pain that might settle in each of your abyss

I don’t know, I want to cry, if I could, on your spine

But I am afraid to give you the chill

…

Yes, I am too afraid!

And now I can’t do anything…just crying on my own wounds

Maybe they’d heal…No!! They are deepening

My tears are not like your kisses…won’t heal…

Oh, how my heart is racing…tears pacing…soul aching…sadness draping…hurt blazing…

But then how can I possibly help myself,

As I lie here,

I am a betrayer….

Convo (3 years back)

This is something i wrote 3 (Class 9th) years back...found it accidentally while searching for some stuffs... :P Amazes me how foolish i was back then!

****

Me: Completely blank…Yes; I don’t know what to do! Still, I want to do something…everybody wants to. Right now, I don’t even know what I am blabbering about. But maybe, it’ll feel better if I just vent out whatever I want to gibber! Argh..! What the hell is going on…I want to scream!!!

Someone enters through the door; the creak of the door penetrates, breaking the silence. For an instant, the gloom is dimmed and the melancholy chamber is transformed into an aura of mystique.

God: Hmm…So, what’s happenin’?

Me: Oh, hell! You are asking me? As if I know…! You rule the world; you should better know what is happening. I feel as if I have taken a divorce from the face of the world, which I don’t seem to regret. But I don’t praise it either! Please don’t mind whatever I say…I guess, I am a bit too stressed, or bored, maybe.

God: You know the phrase…that when people are bored, it’s primarily with themselves that they are bored with! Boring girl…! And blaming the world, huh? I made the world too good to be in, you can’t afford to take a divorce from the ‘face-of-the-world’ as you put it.

Me: To good to be in? Are you joking? I am not in a mood to praise your sense of humor right now! You can’t get anything from me…Why don’t you look what’s happening in Iraq or Iran, why don’t you look after the water crisis...Or the disappearance of trees…or the poor people who’re starving out in the heat? Who allured you here?

God: Good heavens! Cool down… will you, please? No one allured me here…I came here all by myself. That’s what that makes me different from humans. I don’t get allured like they do! And about your Iran and Iraq thing, the water crisis and disappearance of trees…am I responsible for that? You people did it! You should have the guts to take responsibility for it! I didn’t make the world like that from the start!

Me: I am not in a mood either to discuss the pressure of responsibilities, guts-courage and what not! I have already had enough of that! Over-dosed…and you are stuffing me!

God: I guess someone was getting bored…but I don’t think that people who are over-dosed do get bored in any way.

Me: What?? Do you really know what all are you talking about? People who get over-dosed, over exerted, overloaded, are the only ones who get bored!

God: Stupidity is a sin…and you are committing that sin right now! (Giggles)

Me: What do you mean?

God: How do you care? Wouldn’t I be overloading you if I told you?

Me: All right! Now, let’s see…who doesn’t have the guts-and-the courage to be open and share the thoughts? Be clear if you want me to understand anything.

God: Not everything that is clear is understandable too…Ohh (sighs) I had intended to make the world so clear and simple…how these humans have made it complex, so very complex, that they don’t understand what’s simple.

Me: Er…What??

God: Nothing...Nothing…I was just talking to myself. It helps me so much!

Me: I guess the more I talk to myself, the more I get confused! How does it help you?

God: Again a trait that makes me different from you people!!

Me: Would you stop finding the differences? We could talk in a better way if we found similarities between each other.

God: Again you are mistaken! Opposite things attract each other. That’s the rule I made, and it holds good almost everywhere.

Me: Really? Everywhere? You want me to count the exceptions?

God: Ohh, I know! Exceptions are everywhere. But only to justify the rules that nothing is impossible and nothing is certain in this world.

Me: Before I trip before your heavenly eyes, listening to your godly theories, and sacred comments on this holy earth…Tell me, can I get a solution to a problem all by myself, by not seeking advice from anyone else…and make everything normal? I really need help, and…Like you said, talking business helps a lot…

God: (smiles) I don’t know about you, but yes, talking to myself gives me solution to the biggest of the big problems! I talked to myself when I was in a dilemma, whether to make males first or females…

I talked to myself when I didn’t knew what shape exactly the Earth should be of…I talked to myself-

Well, the list goes on! But first tell me, (since I feel that your whole concept about life is upside down), what is the meaning of the word ‘normal’ for you?

Me: Something that is very fine...Just the right thing to happen…good and impeccable…just the perfect? Uhh, I guess so! Why did you ask, by the way?

God: Hmm… before I could make you understand anything, it’s must to understand you! That’s why I asked…

Me: Witty, huh? But don’t be overconfident that anything you’ll stuff me with- I’ll grasp it lovingly…

God: Whatever you say! (Laughs) Now, coming to the point, ‘didn’t I make the world normal?’ Answer that according to your knowledge. Don’t let anything influence your answer…my presence or anything like that! Let it be as frank as anything, ok?

Me: You ask stupid questions, But, Yeah, ok… do give me some time…

God: Not that tough, is it?

Me: No, not at all…but let me open the ventilators of my head…or probably, let me talk to myself, yeah? (Smiles)

God: oh yeah! In the meantime, let me look what’s happening in Iran and Iraq…or maybe, where the trees have actually disappeared…!! Gone to moon maybe…? (A faint smile, but only he knew that it was a shameless one…at the thought of disappearance of his treasure- the trees)

Me: Oh yeah, I feel like praising your sense of humor!

God: Go on, do it…

Me: But that would influence my answer, wouldn’t it?

God: That I don’t want to happen…so please, continue talking to ‘yourself’ only rather than to me.

X-X-X-X

After 10 minutes or so…

God: Hey, there! You thought of something to gibber? (Sighs) I am so tired…the weather of Iraq is really hot! And I couldn’t even see anything through the cloud of dust and polluted sky…Same goes for India too!

Me: How do I care?

God: Then who should care? Your mom-in-law? Don’t you live on this Earth?

Me: Ohk-Ohk…I guess, my mom-in-law’s daughter-in-law should also care…Happy now?

God: Not really…

Me: Virtually then, maybe.

God: Come on!

Me: Coming to that stupid question you had put before me, I think that the world you made was better than it is now. I don’t get the words to explain it, ‘cause I am still confused. I guess, I am confused. I have 2 answers in my head. Can’t really judge which one’s better!

God: So, how are you going to solve the problem?

Me: I am in a dilemma, I need help…and you’re in turn asking me how to solve the problem, huh? As if I cared in the devil’s name about the questions…about understanding each other…and hell what not! You ought to help me…Are you really god in anyway?

God: I would say nothing except ‘God helps those, who help themselves.’

Me: It’s just a cliché…

God: It’s just that I don’t want to influence your answer whatsoever!

Me: As if you haven’t succeeded in doing that!

God: I might have succeeded in creating a bad impression of myself in your head, but I made sure that the thoughts are intact in your head

Me: Oh, really? And how did you do that...Huh? I guess, the brain is mine, and I am supposed to control it! Not you!

God: Someone said that I am the ruler of the world…I control everything… *coughs* what about that, huh?

Me: Exceptions are always there!

God: Wow, I enlightened you! So you came up to my point at last!

Me: Your point? Not really…I was just trying to…

God: Trying to...What? (Looks inquisitively)

Me: (sighs)…Oh well, leave it

God: I understand…its human behavior. They try to desert the topic which they feel they are not empowering…or in which they are not winning.

Me: What do you mean?

God: And then they pretend as if they don’t know anything…

Me: I seriously don’t like the way you jeer at me!

God: You should know the meaning of the word ‘serious’ before you use it! That’s the problem with humans, you know…

Me: Oh, I know its meaning!! And do you have anything else to do except finding out mistakes in humans? Now that’s the problem with Gods and its ‘fellas’, you know…Even at the church, the temples, any religious place- I hear, any social discussion going on…mistakes committed by humans is a topic everyone has the points to give on! Oh, come on! I mean, don’t all humans do mistakes? And don’t we learn from it, too? Why the headache then?

God: Go on…

Me: No, I don’t wish too! ‘Seriously’, my sire! And I guess that its way too normal for me to do that!

God: Way too normal? Could you explain that part, please?

Me: I mean, it’s something anybody would wish for! There’s nothing new about that! Everyone would want to get rid of these brain busting topics which induce Sinus, you know?

God: First you said that the meaning of the word ‘normal’ is – as I recall- “Something that is very fine...Just the right thing to happen…good and impeccable…just the perfect? Uhh, I guess so!”

And then you define normal as something, ‘There’s nothing new about that!’

Why the confusion? According to you, Normal = Perfect and at the same time, Normal= Nothing new

And as I know, Nothing new = Boring. What kind of weird rules do you have? They all clash with mine, you know?

Me: Hey, why do you jump to conclusions so easily? My problem is that I don’t get the right words to express myself! I mean, it’s very hard to understand and to be understood in this world, so have some mercy! Count it as my imperfection, mistake as you want to…But remember that you only created me!

God: As if I don’t know that! I created you, but after I created you, the responsibility went into your hands after that very moment. Now, it’s up to you how you recreate yourself, your personality, behavior, character…

And I am not jumping to conclusions, I am slowly landing…and as far as I have gathered, you are way too confused!! But be happy, it’s a good sign!

Me: huh? What? (Gapes)

God: (smiles) I like it when human race gets confused! It gives me superiority over them! (Giggles)

Me: How cruel…! How selfish…

God: Who is jumping on to conclusions now?

Me: Am I?

God: Jokes apart now… Listen, my child, my sweet human, the crown of my creation (Surely, whew!!)….I am not that selfish as you assume. It’s just that when people get confused, they pose questions, they question the biggest of the accepted things, they question something that’s obvious too…and then, the quest for the search for answers continues…sometimes, this quest ensues till centuries, and at last, they achieve success. It’s from his confusion that the development starts. If Newton hadn’t questioned the fact of ‘why do apples fall”, would you be studying about ‘Gravity’ in ‘Physics’? You know, everyone said that apples fell…but Newton was to say why.

Me: Oh my!! So Newton is the real culprit! I wish he hadn’t questioned much…he should just eat apples and keep the doctor away…Cool, he gave a long, boring chapter for us to study! Way to go man!! I won’t do any discoveries then…not at the cost of torturing my future generation!!

God: Say you aren’t serious. (Chuckles)

Me: What if I don’t?

God: That won’t influence my answer in any way either! What I believe is that, confusion is the root of development…the key to success…the door for the avenue of creativity…So be confused, and gibber a lot…talk to yourself and yes-

As he was about to say something, the alarm rang! The cacophony of the buzzing alarm stinging right into my ear drums... There I was in my bed, finding hard to breathe, as I found the thick Physics book lying right on my face! The pages sticking to my nose and lips… Oh yeah, I realized that I had fallen asleep last night studying Physics. Today was the freaking test. . .

X-X-X-X

Same day- after 10 hours, Physics exam over (was exhausting as usual), back to my melancholy chambers, I wrote something, recalling the dream which I had seen …I wasn’t amazed that I saw such a dream. I was confused instead!! Something from inside… an urge made me write this in my personal diary-

17^th January, 2007 3.15 pm

Saturday

I hate Maths! Yea, I do! But something makes me wanna study few equations:

Normal = Perfect …. (i)

Normal = Nothing New …. (ii) (Acc. To my own freaking mind)

So, on observing equations (i) and (ii)-

Perfect = Nothing New

Eww, what kind of conclusion!! How is that possible?? Perfection is something every one wanna achieve…and can perfection mean having nothing new? Impossible…!

But Impossible = Nothing (Acc. To Napoleon)

Hmm….

So, perfect equals nothing new…Lemme rack my confused brain….

Does that mean that something which is perfect has nothing new in it?? …. !....! Ohh…that’s so damn real!! If everything were to be perfect, there wouldn’t be anything new in it! There wouldn’t be any mistake in it! So ultimately, it wouldn’t be different in any way! I guess, our mistakes make us different.

Oh well! Maybe that’s why nobody is perfect! And that’s why everyone is different…

Hey, I have another equation too!

Nothing New = Boring (Acc. To a spirit…I’m not sure if it was god! )

Look what I came up with: Its damn confusing for anyone who’d read it. But I am sorted and clear. Because I experienced this- and maybe if mom reads my diary, or if my bro steals it or if Sans reads it if she creeps through my things, she wouldn’t understand it either!! (Ohh, it’s hard to understand and to be understood!!)

Perfect = Nothing New = Boring ….

So, no one is boring, because no one is perfect!! Thank god, I have this thing called imperfection…thank god I do get confused and make a fool of myself! I’d be anything in the world except for being boring…But that no one is! Well, that’s my derivation…so I’ll follow it at least!

So next time if anyone would say that I am boring…I’d laugh it off! Stay cool…and yeah, confused too! But how can a person be confused and cool both at the same time? What’s the meaning of the word ‘confused’? A person, who is frustrated, doesn’t get any answers and is overwhelmed…? Nah, I have an idea, I am going off to sleep!!

Caution: Don’t follow her rules, please! If you want to survive! The girl is confused more than she should be…and her dreams contribute in her confusion too! Don’t take any sort of inspiration from it…if confused people were to run the world, you would know how the world would be! Dark world with inefficient rulers… Read ‘Andher Nagri Chaupat Raja’ for proof!

X~X~X~X

Hello??? Is the world any brighter when it’s is the hands of educated ones?

Life Vs. Death

I could cheat all my way to success.

But when it comes to cheating, even FAILURE C

HEATS SUCCESS.

Try not to cry - Teardrops are prone to gravity,They either blister the ground, or loneliness wipes them.

Dare to come out? Trauma walks on street corners smoking a whiff

And human skin is for sale, come hide your BLEMISHED EGO!

Think thrice as hard because Youth's ideas face foeticide before birth!

Think bulletproof thoughts, as Intelligence is SHOT DEAD by bullets of faulty theories!

And think luminously, very often snow crawls over

fire of insight!

Bury your weapons, here peace fights against wars...
Hard to digest...hunger conspires against food!
Earth is round, still destiny lingers on empy railway

tracks.
Speak your mind- as silence now has double standards -

• It either hides - fears away from cries


• It gives sermons while addressing gods

Still, invest carefully, stocks market of innocence is crashing down...
And families scare me, when turbulent blood forms clot in blood relations.
Eyes look forward to an illusive + elusive future. Sadly the eyes are myopic.
Roam around, and you see that animals are well reformed.

Why? Because democracy plays mainly with the 'dogs'!

Can you live where :

• Intense labour mates with dead dreams?


• Thunderbolts and storms of LETHARGY plagues the battlefields?


• (I wonder if policemen snatch children's lollipops?)


• Defeat smiles over trophies! Victory never dances here. Heh, it forgets the steps!

Are you religious? Religions HAUNT FESTIVALS now!

Just in one line...Can you live in a place where:

• Death doesn't encounter life...but life itself collapses with death?

Untitled Convo- PG

A : Hey, i need your serious help!
B : Serious help? How many kinds of helps are there anyway?
A : Look – I’m desperate. Don’t just waste time!
B : I wasted all of it. I don’t have anything to waste now.
A : Please!
B : Oh, ok! So bring your problem up! So i could help you…seriously!
A : I’ve lost my brain somewhere! I can’t find it!
B : I lost mine in previous birth itself…how is it a problem to you? *Gapes*
A : Losing brain is not a big deal. But i had some thinking work to do! How will i do it without my sweet brain?
B : Thinking work? Are you appointed by USA’s President or what?
A : You’re silly – they don’t appoint people who think!
B : Oh- sorry! Then what thinking work?
A : (Wondering) I can’t remember! I told you i lost my brain! How do youe expect me to recall what ‘thinking work’…?
B : (Interrupts) Wai- wai- wait a sec! How THE HELL then do you remember that you lost your brain?
A : Duh! I didn’t have to remember it! It just feels empty in my head- and quite light! Which made me reach to this conclusion…
B : (Gapes) But that is a reasoning work! It can only be done by a BRAIN! Conclusions…you know?
A : (Speechless)
B : What now?
A : I was wondering if i approached a wrong person- who wants to convince me that I haven’t lost me brain instead of giving me a solution! (Angry)
B : But that is what the biggest consumer care companies and trained professionals for solving probs do! They just convince you that there is no problem at all!
A : (Speechless) – (Starts to move)
B : Hey, i just wanted to say that it is all in your view! If you just believe that you haven’t lost your mind…You know, the power of faith…is intense!
A : (Starts to run by now)
B : Hello! Wait…I just wanted to tell that it is all in your mind set up that you can-
A : (Stops abruptly) I DON’T have a mind in the first place! How WILL i convince my mind that i haven’t lost it?
B : (Confused) Huh?
A : Do you still want to help me?
B : I do! …(Thinks- [yes, without a brain])**Despite the fact that i myself don’t know where MY brain is! We’re true romancers- you know!** ( Stops thinking)
A : What ARE you thinking then?
B : Gotcha! I can’t think (Grins) Told you, i lost my mind ages ago…in dinosaur period. I wasn’t thinking anything!
A : (Stand and waits)
B : OK- Let’s start! The ultimate quest for search of mind! ( And people search for their souls, purposes what not!)
A : Yeah, we’d better!
B : So…first tell me! How did you lose your mind?
Break -> Now you would think that how can a person remember this when he doesn’t have any brain to recall, And if he knew how he had lost his mind, where would the problem be? But- our romancers are different!
A : I was asleep. Somehow the fan’s blade got cut- and one blade fell directly on my skull.
B : Oh gross! What next?
A : There was a sharp cut! And my mind was freed from the clasps of my thick skull. It undertook the advantage and ran away!
B : How disloyal of your mind! Your mind wasn’t faithful to you from the start…No need to have it back – Such a betrayer mind!
A : Hey, again you’ve…
B : Ok Sorry! So let’s ‘think’ where it cou;d’ve gone…
A : Yeah…( And just ‘yeah’)…(And you know why!)
B : Where were you sleeping?
A : On bed.
B : Come on dumbass! I mean, where IS exactly your bed?
A : On the floor. Next to my wife’s bed which is 2 m higher than mine.
B : (Slaps forehead)
A : What? (Puzzled look)
B : (Tries to hide the anger) Oh nothing! I was just wondering if your wife could have been the eye witness to this serious case of running ( Actually i was wondering why your wife didn’t kill youpermanently when she saw you half dead wth crushed skull!)
A : She was busy, she couldn’t have seen.
B : Busy? (Pause) Oh yeah…busy sleeping. I forgot that eyes are closed while sleeping…she couldn’t have seen.
A : Noo…she was busy with my boss.
B : Whaaht? (Shocked, maybe with the double intensity than what the pronunciation brings)
A : But that is not your problem. You don’t have to interfere in my personal affairs.
B : You’re weird.
A : What?
B : …What does your mind look like?
A : Oh yeah, it is very striking. Looks awesome…sexy.
B : Can you tell in details? I don’t need adjectives!
A : Oh, i told you, it is beautiful. Has a sexy ass of its own! You’d like to -
B : Hold on! ( Abruptly) I’m not that type! I’m not gay…(Wipes sweat off his forehead)
A : Oh. Sorry. Didn’t know..
B : Anyways, if your mind was female – I would have…(wicked smile)
A : (Smiles) I know…(lost in amazement)
B : Umm, so getting back to our quest…what else did it have other than a sexy ass?
A : Well, if it had ass, you can imagine a big ass brief to cover it!
B : You know what you just did?
A : What now?
B : You ruined my fantasy! Yuckies..(Spits)
A : Oh come on. My mind won’t run around naked! Otherwise i wouldn’t have to make serious efforts to find it.
B : Why so?
A : The Police would have charged it for running around naked- vulgarity and all. It would be on the news…all that stuff. I would’ve recovered it.
B : (Sighs) I am so sick now. Thank god i don’t have a mind.
A : Ahh, come on. You don’t mean that duude!
B : Did your mind wear some sort of identity card?
A : No. Hell no! Why would i ever think about making it wear dumb id-cards? I wasn’t aware it would run away like this!
B : Oh sorry. Then..then i must say we should sue the Lost and Found department.
A : No. Lost and Found Dept.? They themselves have their minds in their asses which they keep busy for sticking on seats in meetings.
B : Lets check on google! These days you can find everything on Internet.
A : Oh yeah, let’s type-
B : Let me do it. Hmm…I typed ” A’s mind ”
A : Hey it says – Did you mean bunch of dried hay?
B : Oh man.
A : Hey! Hay is irrelevent!
B : No way. Just click on it.
A : Did you find something?
B : It says your mind (hay) is lurking in your knees!
A : What?
B : (Kicks A’s knee)
A : Ouch! Don’t do that!
B : Yeah-there it is! Your mind!
A : But how- (Completely amazed)
B : Ooh! It really has a sexy ass of its own!
A : Hey- I still don’t understand!
B : Maybe your mind was a ‘dumb’ (however sexy) ass and didn’t have a brain of its own…so it probably didn’t know where to run…so just slipped in your knees.
A : Thats completely weird! Senseless!
B : You’re telling me? The one who lost mind?
A : Yeah!
B : So what is it is senseless? You have you mind now. Enjoy.
A : (Catches brain and installs in skull)
B : how does it feel now? Content?
A : Yeah, quite full!
B : Heh…now you can do your ‘thinking’ work!
A : Now, why don’t you find your brain as well? You’re so effiecient.
B : Come on. Just do your ‘thinking work’ . I want a demo of working of brain. ( I will surely find mine. Maybe not so attracted by thinking capability- but mind******* atleast!)
A : Oh, who cares about thinking? I won’t do it. I have my mind now….I can do it anytime I want. To hell with the thinking work!
B : ( Gapes wide)
….(Sees A’s figure disappearing along the road)
End -> Yes, it finally ended. How are you? Bored? Well, just think…and conclude…and well…ok, end it.
Morals of the conversation:
1st -> A mindless person can help other mindless person. The former one just believes that he is good without mind. And it is all in the belief.
2nd-> Is there really a problem? We just think there is..well, even if there is, don’t get desperate! Just take some action, like hitting Google.
3rd-> Lost and Found Dept. have their minds in their asses. In turn, each mind has an ass of its own- thats why it does stupid things at times…so for a total you have 2 asses.
4th-> Don’t believe the above three morals. Won’t work in real life…